Whispers from God
As I sat in the car while on our way to drop out kids off, the only thing I could do or think was to pray for our baby girl.
"Lord, you are the creator of everything and everyone. Please don't take this little girl from us now. Please protect her and help her to continue to grow."
Even with prayers I could not hold back tears. I was scared, anxious, angry and then I realized I knew I needed to give that to the Lord as well.
1 Chronicles 16:11 "Seek the Lord and His Strength, Seek His Face continually."
Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you, Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
"Lord, please forgive me. Forgive me for being angry with you for allowing this to be happening. Father you forsaw all of this before it happened and You have not left us. You know what is to come, please help us have faith and trust You.. Please give Jeff and I strength through You, Father to get through this. Thank you Lord for Your abounding love and grace toward us. Thank You for knowing the unknown. Amen"
1 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is suffienct for you, for power is perfected in weakness."
I cannot explain the heaviness I had felt be lifted off me. I stopped crying and just felt relieved, knowing our baby girl was in the best of hands. God was with me on that drive to the hospital, whispering in my ear. Reassuring me that He hadn't left and He would take care of us, if only I would just trust and ask Him to.
It was around 3:15am when Jeff wheeled me into the maternity ward at the hospital. I was greeted by a nurse who had seen me just a month prior. God knew I needed compassion and this nurse had been blessed with that ability! I was hooked up to monitors and IV's. With each "inspection", I could feel myself start to become more anxious and afraid but instead of what I tend to do I silenty recited verse after verse in my head.
2 Thessolonians 3:3 "But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and proctect you from the evil one."
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding."
Neither Jeff or I at the point understood why I was bleeding, but we knew that God wanted us to pray, to come to Him with our fears, anxieties, worries and anger. Jeff and I prayed once again for mine and our daughters health and safety.
Long story short, after our u/s I was admitted into the hospital and was told my doctor would be in to see us in the morning. They wanted to monitor myself and the baby and we were perfectly fine with that. I don't think Jeff or I got a whole lot of sleep before woke up anxiously awaiting our doctor, but neither of us felt fret anymore.
At 10:30 that Saturday morning our doctor came in. He was very nice, sat down and told us I have stage 1- Placental Abruption. Meaning part of the placenta had come detached from the uterine wall. There are only 3 stages of this diagnosis. 3, being the very worst- death caused by trauma from some sort of accident. While stage 1 was concerning, he seemed optimistic that this time around it wasn't enough to harm myself or baby just give me the scare of a century. His instructions were bed rest and that they would want me at least another day or so in the hospital to monitor the bleeding and baby. Explaining to us that if this were to get worse our baby girl would not be able to survive at this age. I was that sunday, the bleeding had died down tremendously and seemed to be stopping all together. I'm now on strict bed rest, knowing that I have to listen and take this seriously and make sure I keep this little girl cooking until at least August.
Now that I look back, I believe it was God's way of getting our attention as a couple. The previous night we had talked about how we lacked in our prayer together as a couple and with our kids. We pray with our children before meals, why was it so hard for us to do so regularly together throughout the day? God calls us to pray together and I think lately we've just let the hussle and bussle of our days get the best of us. Our conversation that night didn't end on a good note, we both rolled over and went to bed. Waking up early the next morning in that terrifying situation, I believe now God was calling us to pray, to come to our Father together. He was showing us that how crucial it is in our lives to be close to Him. We need that closeness with God, as individuals, a married couple and parents. Our children need to see it and be part of it as well. Even in the midst of despair, He wanted us to come to Him together. He wasn't being cruel, He just needed to grab our attention. I don't believe God causes anyone harm. I'm just simply saying I believe God had a bigger plan in that specific moment, showing us that "a couple who prays together, stays together."
I love being able to look back at a trial we've been in and see the work of God's hands in it all. To just relish in knowing He was there the whole time, we were never alone or apart from Him. It's comforting to hold on to that truth when another trial hits, and there WILL be many. Knowing that no matter the trial, God will be with us whispering for us to come to Him.
