whispers

Whispers from God

As I sat in the car while on our way to drop out kids off, the only thing I could do or think was to pray for our baby girl.

"Lord, you are the creator of everything and everyone. Please don't take this little girl from us now. Please protect her and help her to continue to grow."

Even with prayers I could not hold back tears. I was scared, anxious, angry and then I realized I knew I needed to give that to the Lord as well.

1 Chronicles 16:11 "Seek the Lord and His Strength, Seek His Face continually."

Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you, Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

"Lord, please forgive me. Forgive me for being angry with you for allowing this to be happening. Father you forsaw all of this before it happened and You have not left us. You know what is to come, please help us have faith and trust You.. Please give Jeff and I strength through You, Father to get through this. Thank you Lord for Your abounding love and grace toward us. Thank You for knowing the unknown.  Amen"

1 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is suffienct for you, for power is perfected in weakness."

I cannot explain the heaviness I had felt be lifted off me. I stopped crying and just felt relieved, knowing our baby girl was in the best of hands. God was with me on that drive to the hospital, whispering in my ear. Reassuring me that He hadn't left and He would take care of us, if only I would just trust and ask Him to.

It was around 3:15am when Jeff wheeled me into the maternity ward at the hospital. I was greeted by a nurse who had seen me just a month prior. God knew I needed compassion and this nurse had been blessed with that ability! I was hooked up to monitors and IV's. With each "inspection", I could feel myself start to become more anxious and afraid but instead of what I tend to do I silenty recited verse after verse in my head.

2 Thessolonians 3:3  "But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and proctect you from the evil one."

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding."

Neither Jeff or I at the point understood why I was bleeding, but we knew that God wanted us to pray, to come to Him with our fears, anxieties, worries and anger. Jeff and I prayed once again for mine and our daughters health and safety.

Long story short, after our u/s I was admitted into the hospital and was told my doctor would be in to see us in the morning. They wanted to monitor myself and the baby and we were perfectly fine with that. I don't think Jeff or I got a whole lot of sleep before woke up anxiously awaiting our doctor, but neither of us felt fret anymore.

At 10:30 that Saturday morning our doctor came in. He was very nice, sat down and told us I have stage 1- Placental Abruption. Meaning part of the placenta had come detached from the uterine wall. There are only 3 stages of this diagnosis. 3, being the very worst- death caused by trauma from some sort of accident. While stage 1 was concerning, he seemed optimistic that this time around it wasn't enough to harm myself or baby just give me the scare of a century. His instructions were bed rest and that they would want me at least another day or so in the hospital to monitor the bleeding and baby. Explaining to us that if this were to get worse our baby girl would not be able to survive at this age. I was that sunday, the bleeding had died down tremendously and seemed to be stopping all together. I'm now on strict bed rest, knowing that I have to listen and take this seriously and make sure I keep this little girl cooking until at least August.

Now that I look back, I believe it was God's way of getting our attention as a couple. The previous night we had talked about how we lacked in our prayer together as a couple and with our kids. We pray with our children before meals, why was it so hard for us to do so regularly together throughout the day?  God calls us to pray together and I think lately we've just let the hussle and bussle of our days get the best of us. Our conversation that night didn't end on a good note, we both rolled over and went to bed. Waking up early the next morning in that terrifying situation, I believe now God was calling us to pray, to come to our Father together. He was showing us that how crucial it is in our lives to be close to Him. We need that closeness with God, as individuals, a married couple and parents. Our children need to see it and be part of it as well.  Even in the midst of despair, He wanted us to come to Him together. He wasn't being cruel, He just needed to grab our attention. I don't believe God causes anyone harm. I'm just simply saying I believe God had a bigger plan in that specific moment, showing us that "a couple who prays together, stays together."

I love being able to look back at a trial we've been in and see the work of God's hands in it all. To just relish in knowing He was there the whole time, we were never alone or apart from Him. It's comforting to hold on to that truth when another trial hits, and there WILL be many. Knowing that no matter the trial, God will be with us whispering for us to come to Him.

Reminiscing

Two years ago I remember being in the hospital waiting for our baby boy to be born. We had arrived the previous afternoon around 4pm and I was starving! Watched some tv to pass the time with both sets of parents and Jordan in the room but by midnight, Jeff tried his best to make everyone laugh and help pass what time was left.

You could say we all were anxious and just wanted to meet the little guy who'd been kicking and moving around inside me. Some fell asleep..

 At 3:14am on April 18th, 2009 our little bundle arrived. He was a whole month early, but by God's grace he was healthy!

Braydon Daniel weighed in at 5lbs & 14oz, he was 19 1/2 inches long. He was perfect and mommy and daddy were elated.

Daddy was first to feed and offically welcome Braydon into the world while the rest of us anxiously awaited our turns. Jordan had been in the waiting room and soon after was introduced to his new baby brother.

After a long night, we were at peace. Experiencing the joy only our Lord could give us. Jeff and I had a new son, Jordan his very own brother. It was the most incredible new journey we could have asked for.

Over the last day or so, we've reminisced over the joy Braydon has brought to our family's lives in the past two years. We've all watched him grow from this tiny, helpless little being to an independent toddler.

Yes, he's 2 years old today. He loves balls and Mickey Mouse. Adores his big brother Jordy, is starting to understand there's a baby in mommy's tummy. Will say "Hi" to every dog or bird he sees. He's learning new words and sentences with each day that passes. He's growing faster than we are able to keep up but Braydon is such a blessing in our lives.

It's been so fun watching each child hit each milestone. It's also been bittersweet, I know with each day that passes our kids are growing, are getting older. It's so easy to get caught up with the hussle and bussle of every day duties, or correcting a child when they are being disobedient. A piece of me wants to sob, knowing that one day they'll be gone living their own lives, with their own families and I'll miss these times. I'll miss the constant noise at the dining room table during meals, running after each child to get them to bed or waking up before the sun rises. I know one day, I'll rise out of bed to silence. Prepare meals for only myself and Jeff and when we sit to eat, we'll reminisce about the days when we couldn't get a word in edgewise or have a peaceful moment between us.

A little over five months pregnant, I remember how little Jordan and Braydon were. How completely dependent on us they were. Time seems to have gone by so rapidly, sometimes I wonder if I really stopped to cherish my children. There was always that "finish line" with the boys, whether learning how to crawl, or walk or potty like a big boy; I wonder to myself did I really stop to experience the joy in each of those moments?

God is definitely showing me that through the hussle and bussle of each day I need to take time to experience His joy. I need to ask Him constantly to open my eyes, to help me slow down and see what's really infront of me. Imagine the joy God has as we grow in his word, I'm sure He wants me to experience that same joy with my children.

God's Love

Today was my big ultrasound, where they check to measure if the baby is growing properly, has all its parts. You know that sort of thing. With all the time we've spent in labor & delivery in the last couple weeks, my anxiety level was soaring. I had a hard time letting go of the "what if's" on the way to my appointment this morning. Knowing that I needed to lay them at the Lord's feet before I go in.

I checked in, waited and browsed through a magazine full of yummy recipes (probably not the best thing to look at when pregnant and starving)in attempt to calm myself. The moment the tech opened the door and called my name I suddenly felt peace. Deep down I just felt God's presence. She put the "goo" on my tummy and began to start looking. First, checking to make sure it was still a girl...

Yup, still a girl. At this point I just laughed in awe that God was giving us a baby girl. Then on to her other parts. First her feet, which both gave the tech and I a giggle. First the left, then the right. She has her daddy's big feet.

I wasn't able to move. It was almost as my whole body froze in amazement. I just kept thinking, "Look at those little feet, those little toes, amazing!"

On we went to the legs, thighs, then arms and little hands. It was almost as if she was clapping. I'd like to think she was praying.. hee hee

Her hands were clasped together the whole time. From diffferent views I was able to see her little fists. She measured her spine, her heart, head and brain. Then it hit me, the detail of every little part forming inside me. What God is truly capable of and only He is able to form such an amazing child.

All that came to my mind at that moment was
Psalm 139:13-14

 "For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well."

In that moment God showed me a little piece of himself. I was marveled and amazed. Looking at her heart, her brain. I don't know if I ever really took the time to see it so clearly before and maybe I wasn't meant to but this baby girl has brought new meaning to God's word for me.

I think with each baby I've had, I've been so focused on the "finish line" I never really asked God for "eyes to see" or "ears to hear". You go into an appointment with the doctor or an ultrasound so excited or nervous that there might be something wrong, sometimes you lose focus on what is really important.

While having a healthy baby girl is our goal, seeing and understanding God's hand in the preparation for that delivery day is also crucial. God isn't just forming and preparing a baby inside me, He's preparing me as well. He's showing me the care and love He puts into bringing a baby into this world. He forms each intricate part, with each month that passes there's something new He's at work on. This isn't a "science", this is God's hand. Not just in my life, but inside of me! From the inside out God is preparing me once again for motherhood. Reminding me how important His temple is to His plan for this child, that eating frequently, staying healthy, resting and most importantly spending time with Him is necessary. I am not living for this child alone, but for God. What an amazing revelation! I was able to see God at work in me, I think for the first time in my life!

1 Corinthians 6:19
"Or do you not know that your body a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are nor your own?"

Also reminding me of the importance I play as a mother and wife already. Praying daily for my husband, for my children (baby included) and for myself. My role as a mother today isn't just to get the laundry done, dishes out of the sink, kids fed. No, my role as a mother is so much greater than that, I have the ability to give my husband, my children and myself  to God each day. All I have to do is invite Him...

A little about us...

Jeff and I are in our mid to late twenties. We've been married for 4 years and have 2 boys. Jeff works in credit card processing and his dream career is to be a firefighter. He loves the Lord, me and our boys.

 I'm a stay at home mom, who aside from running around after a toddler is learning the importance of being a Godly wife and mother. I'm a work in progress.

Our boys...

Jordan Michael is 8 years old, he's finishing the second grade and will give you the shirt off his back if you ask him to. He's the type of kid who will ask lots of questions, is friendly to just about anyone and loves his family more than he could ever put into words. He loves God and with each stranger he without fear will share his faith. Our oldest, he makes us proud every day.

Braydon Daniel is 2 years old. He is never without a smile on his face, he's the most curious of the two. Our "wild" child, he never stops moving, never gives up. He's observant and doesn't like to be rushed. He's enthralled by dogs, loves to play and get into everything. He made our way into our lives a little earlier than expected but has been a blessing in all of our lives since the moment we layed eyes on him.

And finally,

At 20 weeks, our baby girl. Due the end of August. She loves fruit and grilled vegetables. Loves to sleep, usually waking right around dinner time doing full jumping jacks. We're so excited to be adding a baby girl to our family. Daddy & Mommy have already picked out things for your room and have a name in mind for you. Your oldest brother is thrilled and can't wait to meet you. Braydon knows there's a baby in mommy's tummy, but doesn't want to share the attention quite yet. So rest up & grow. We'll see you in a few months!

We're a young family living in Oregon. We attend church regularly and have had our share of  ups and downs, but with each smile given, each question asked, each trial gone through we know we are blessed! We couldn't have pictured our lives any different than the way they are. It's not a perfect life, but it's our life, the life God chose for us.